Meet Dom, the New Voice in Domino’s Quest for Pizza Domination
OK, guys, this story may involve pizza delivery and a guy named Dom, but don’t get your hopes up—the only X rating here may be for xtra cheesy.
No, this isn’t some skin-flick setup. Dom is just the latest in Domino’s technocentric drive for worldwide pizza-delivery domination. He’s just like Siri but for pizza.
Mobile and online ordering already accounts for 40 percent of the pizza chain’s sales in the U.S., according to The Associated Press, which also notes that customers who order online tend to spend more and to order more often because of the convenience.
“It’s clearly an area where we’ll be able to leverage our scale,” Domino’s CEO Patrick Doyle tells the AP.
That’s business-speak, more or less, for We want to crush all those pesky mom-and-pop pizzerias that don’t have the cash to develop fancy ordering apps.
Indeed, it’s unlikely that you’re going to be able to order from your favorite neighborhood pizza joint via your Ford Sync system anytime soon, as Domino’s announced earlier this year, or through your Xbox, a coup for Pizza Hut. As for unmanned drones delivering your pie? Well, that may or may not have been just a Domino’s publicity stunt.
Dom could be a genuine push to disrupt (as they have the tendency to say in tech) pizza delivery, but the real disruption may be all the tittering his name is likely to provoke among a certain subset of the American demographic. Although it’s no doubt a quirk of timing that Domino’s decided to release its upgraded mobile app the week before a nationwide barrage of gay pride parades, but c’mon—naming the robovoice Dom? It’s enough to conjure up an image of just about any one of the Village People.
Alas, the affable, unflappable Dom hardly sounds like a cigar-chomping, leather-clad bear as he leads you step-by-step through the pizza-ordering process. He’s more a synthetic blend of congeniality and confidence, like your helpful next-door neighbor—the one with the firm handshake who fills out his V-neck T’s just right and refinished his own deck but whose friendliness always feels a tad overeager.
“What’ll ya have?” Dom asks when you activate him on the new Domino’s app—the what’ll and ya seeming as self-conscious as a Harvard MBA attempting chitchat in the cafeteria of your average public middle school.
Trying to mess with Dom’s older and much more accomplished cousin Siri has become something of a national pastime, even as yanking her chain only really seems fun for about a minute or two. Dom’s responses appear even more humorless.
Me: “Dom, are you gay?”
Dom: “I’m sorry I didn’t hear that. Could you repeat it?”
Me: “Are you gay, Dom?”
Dom: “I still didn’t catch that. Please try again.”
Sure, Dom, whatever you say…