Yesterday my wife and I bought a plastic bag dispenser to attach to our dog’s leash, for hygienic reasons that are obvious to anyone who has walked a dog, or seen one walked. There was a variety of colors and patterns to choose from, but we zeroed in instantly on our favorite: the pirate-themed dispenser.

What is it about pirates? They’re mean and murderous, things which I hope my wife and I are not. So why does everybody love pirates? Long before the lovable Johnny Depp recreated Jack Sparrow for millions of movie-goers, Disney visitors were frolicking on the Pirates of the Caribbean theme ride in Florida. This past Friday, I read, was “Talk Like a Pirate Day.” And I jumped at the chance to adorn my little puppy’s pleasantly purple leash with a black and white plastic dispenser covered with skulls and crossbones.

Then it dawned on me, pirates - at least as they’re portrayed in popular culture - are exceedingly charismatic, and as humans, we flock to charisma. It’s why there are cults of personality, it’s why life is a perpetual popularity contest, and it forms my new hypothesis as to who wins presidential elections. I used to think the better-looking candidate always won, but aside from the awkwardness of being a straight man trying to ascribe attraction points to male politicians, it didn’t really work. It’s just not possible to say whether George W. Bush is better looking than John Kerry. It’s the wrong contest.

Charisma, on the other hand, paints a clearer picture. Just visualize these presidential election competitions going back to Kennedy/Nixon, and I don’t think it’s even up for debate. The more charismatic candidate always wins. I won’t even comment on most of them, the imagery seems so clear. Here we go: Bush/Kerry; Bush/Gore; Clinton/Dole; Clinton/Bush; Bush/Dukakis; Reagan/Mondale; Reagan/Carter; Carter/Ford; Nixon/McGovern; Nixon/Humphrey; Johnson/Goldwater; Kennedy/Nixon. The Nixon elections were before I paid much attention, so I’m not sure how well the hypothesis holds there, since I understand Hubert Humphrey was pretty charismatic. On the other hand, he had the misfortune of being the Democrats’ standard bearer after the loss of the platonic form of the charismatic, Bobby Kennedy. One doesn’t recall Jimmy Carter or George H.W. Bush as oozing with charisma, but when you look at who each of them defeated, you see the embodiment of the anti-charismatic.

People like charisma. It explains why we like pirates, and it explains who wins presidential elections. As an added bonus, it lets us describe the current administration as pirates, but I don’t want to start a trend.

As to predictive power for the current election, my money’s on Obama. And with the first of the presidential debates coming up this week, we get to see the two candidates match charisma head-to-head.

Volunteer with the presidential candidate you support …perhaps you can make phone calls and demonstrate your own charisma! takepart with Barack Obama and takepart with John McCain

Dan Goodman is a veteran of the digital media industry and an avid follower of politics and social issues. He has particular interests in foreign policy, energy, environment, and education, but being opinionated, he’ll write about almost anything. He’s also passionate about finding common ground among seemingly divergent viewpoints. As a graduate student, he founded and edited Spectrum, a journal of student opinion at Harvard’s Kennedy School of Government, and was later a volunteer for Youth Building Bridges, a DC-area group helping teens from different social and ethnic backgrounds explore their differences and what they have in common.

(Photo: Bohphoto’s Flickr Photosteam)