Be Very Afraid: This Is How You Make Doritos Bread
If you’ve ever run a Ritz cracker through a nut-covered, oddly purple sphere of soft cheese at a holiday party, you know of the weird Midwestern culinary that is the cheese ball. Crunchy, buttery, cheesy, creamy—it’s either repulsive or your favorite thing your aunt puts out when family comes over.
Well, if your aunt happened to be big in the hair-metal scene and never quite let go of that time she was onstage with RATT in Indianapolis in 1988, she might serve this illegitimate cousin of the cheese ball instead: Doritos bread with Doritos-coated Doritos spread.
In a video from Bon Appétit, Andy Rapaport, brother of the magazine's editor-in-chief, is shown making the Doritos bread by kneading the crushed orange chips into what looks like a no-knead-style dough and studding the loaf with shards of powdered-cheese-coated tortilla chips. And served alongside it—adding that buttery-cheesy-creamy cheese-ball element to the equation—is a log of Doritos-flavored spread (maybe a 50-50 mix of softened butter and cream cheese?) dusted with finely ground Doritos.
To make the Doritos powder, Rapaport pulverizes the chips in his coffee grinder, which, of all of the regrettable things about this video—there are 8 grams of fat and 210 milligrams of sodium in just 11 chips—is probably going to result in many a miserable cup of coffee.