There was big news out of the governor's office here in California, since Jerry Brown not only signed a bill into law that makes the Golden State the first in the nation to require websites to allow people younger than 18 to remove their own postings - but he simultaneously proved to the world that old people have no idea how the Internet works.
Hopefully, next week he signs a bill into law that requires websites to allow 75-year-old governors to delete hypothetical laws.
Look, in theory this so-called "eraser button," which takes effect starting Jan. 1, 2015, is really great. I mean, I wish I had a way to erase the things I regret. Like when I got pantsed while playing basketball in 7th grade, and everyone saw my just-pubertized hairy Jewish butt. It looked like I sat on Seth Rogen.
Or that time my mom caught me trying on her clothes because she came home early.
Or how I regret telling you about my mom catching me in her clothes, because she came home early.
Unfortunately, as great of an idea as this is, it's just not possible. Sorry, Jerry, but that's not how the Internet works. And no matter how many times you Google it, there aren't any "bingo halls near the governors mansion serving complimentary prune juice during Matlock marathons."
BOOM: Old Person Joke!
Sure, the post can be deleted from a page, but there aren't any stipulations requiring deletion of the actual data on the servers. And those servers may not even be in California - which means this law wants to regulate every website in the world. Regardless of whether or not it's under California's jurisdiction. But states have no problem complying with other states' laws, right?
And what happens when someone else takes a screenshot of the soon to be deleted post? Like that time I tweeted about loving wearing my mom's underpants, but Oscar de la Hoya had already tweeted me back?
But hey, I applaud the effort, because it does come from a good place. But don't stop there. Why not make a cold fusion law? Or a law that makes unhappiness illegal? Or what about the bill i've been pushing - "the milk shake water faucet law."
If milkshakes came out of every water faucet, you wouldn't need the unhappiness law! Everyone would be happy!
Oh, and if you're lactose intolerant, get out of California. Move to Portland, you hippie.