Stephen Colbert has solved the zombie wheat mystery: After it scrapped its GMO wheat program a decade ago, Monsanto, “another defenseless multinational,” destroyed all tested material. Then, just to be sure no one would find it, “they buried that wheat in the middle of a field.”
For its part, Monsanto recently suggested in an Associated Press story (not the realm of satire) that GMO activists could have been behind the mysterious crop. “We’re considering all options and that’s certainly one of the options,” Robb Fraley, the company’s chief technology officer, said of the possibility of sabotage.
Colbert seems to agree: “We all know Monsanto is the real victim here,” since it will likely face prosecution over the zombie wheat. Instead of holding the company accountable for the presence of the plants, Colbert says that someone should ask the wheat where it came from—“at this point it can probably talk.”
To wit, a farmer in Kansas has filed the first lawsuit related to the incident, which seeks to recoup revenue lost due to the fact that the discovery of the unapproved plants drove down wheat prices and led export partners like Japan to cancel orders.
One of the farmer’s attorneys, Warren Burns, told the Associated Press, “The scope of the damage is potentially in the hundreds of millions of dollars.”