Psst, ladies: Is your best four-legged friend a golden retriever, Labrador retriever, Chihuahua, poodle, or beagle? And fellas: Do you own a German shepherd, golden, Lab, Siberian husky, or French bulldog?
If you answered yes to any of the above, there’s good news—especially if you’re single: A recent survey shows that these are the dog breeds that tend to make people more attractive to a potential lover (although not always in ways you’d want. Read on.). That’s what the survey people found, anyway.
I happen to own a Labrador retriever—a dog that is supposed to make the owner seem like a real catch, whether the owner is female or male. So I’m sorry to report to the surveyors that I’m not exactly besieged by guys coming on to me when I take Jake for a walk.
Maybe it has something to do with the fact that when I walk Jake, I’m usually in a hoodie, old jeans, and hair that would make Albert Einstein look well coiffed. Or maybe it’s the wedding ring on my finger. Or the fact that we adopted Jake, and he’s probably not 100 percent Lab. (Sidebar: the easy way into the heart of any dog is, of course, to adopt one!) Could it be that the smidge of “other” that makes his coat rather thin and his head a bit wider sends off vibes other than “check out my hot mama”?
My husband, who, according to the survey, should be a chick magnet because of Jake, has not told me about any come-ons during his walks. There was the crazy lady who threw things at them in Golden Gate Park. But I don’t think he has had any propositions other than “Get your goddamned dog out of here!”
Clearly Jake is just not cutting it as date bait, which is probably just as well in our case.
Here are some other interesting findings from the survey:
• You’re likely be seen as a potential “great dad” by women if you’re a Lab’s best bud. And owning a golden retriever or German shepherd puts guys in the “marriage material” category more than many other breeds.
• Likewise, if you’re a woman with a golden retriever, you’re much more likely to be viewed as marriage material than if you own a Chihuahua.
• Female Chihuahua owners have a bad rap. Not only are they likely to be seen as one-night-stand material more than owners of many other dog breeds, but they’re also seen as dumber and higher maintenance. If it's any consoloation, at least you’re likely to be considered “more hot” than owners of other kinds of dogs. The survey mentions zilch about guys with Chihuahuas. Mickey Rourke is probably happy about that.
• Get this: The top winners of the female one-night-stand perception category are actually poodle owners. Really?! Cuz most female poodle owners I know would whack you in the head with their cane or ever-present umbrella if you tried anything fresh with them.
• The trophy in the perceived one-night-stand category for guys is divided among owners of boxers, bulldogs, or Rottweilers. They even beat out fellas with pit bulls for that title. (I somehow don’t think guys with French bulldogs are included in the bulldog category.)
So, what d’ya think? Is the survey just plain cringe-worthy, or do you sense a whiff of truth in at least some parts of it?