Former Arkansas Governor Mick Huckabee designated August 1 as Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day, and the family-owned fast-food company reported its biggest sales day ever.
Huckabee, a dark horse Republican presidential candidate from earlier this century, is remembered for having shed more than 100 pounds of excess flab between 2003 and 2006 as Arkansas’s chief executive. Presaging the so-called Obama nanny state, the Republican teetotaler instituted a program of grading schoolchildren on their body mass index.
The Huckster put his commitment to better living through healthy nutrition on pause to urge chicken-loving, gay-marriage-phobic fried-food activists to make a hajj to the nearest Chick-fil-A outlet and “affirm a Christian brother, Dan Cathy.”
Huckabee’s efforts to force-feed Chick-fil-A’s coffers were far more successful than his campaign to slim American obesity rates. “We can confirm reports that it was a record-setting day,” said Steve Robinson, Chick-fil-A’s executive vice president of marketing.
By now, despite calls for boycotts of Chick-fil-A’s more than 1,600 grub stands spread about 39 states and the District of Columbia, and testimonials from mayors of major U.S. metropolises declaring their city limits Chick-fil-A-free zones, Chick-fil-A president Dan Cathy must be feeling smug when he goes to his knees to “pray for God’s mercy on our generation that has such a prideful, arrogant attitude to think that we have the audacity to define what marriage is.”
But along with that revenue boost, Cathy’s gay-intolerant remarks have spawned a gush of absurd and, to some sensibilities, offensive videos.
Collected below are three Chick-fil-A-inspired absurdities that appeared in the space of a single day. Each has points to recommend it. Take a look and take the poll so the world will know which work from the Chick-fil-A short-film genre is deemed to be the most absurd and, to some sensibilities, offensive.
Randy Rainbow Works at Chick-fil-A
Gay cheerleader (not literally a pompom shaker…) Randy Rainbow steps behind a Chick-fil-A counter and serves up cheeky interpretations of sound bites from Sarah Palin, Dan Cathy and a few other marriage-equality haters.
Chaz the Intolerant Chick-fil-A Chicken
Conan O’Brien continues to thrive as a television personality, on TBS, which is also home to Conan’s Chaz the Intolerant Chick-fil-A Chicken. NSFW alert: Chaz’s patter is both juvenile and for adults only!
Chow Down (at Chick-fil-A)
“We just want a little meat without your bible,” harmonize a choir of flamboyant, full-boned women. “Some day somebody’s going to make you want to gobble up a waffle fry, but no don’t you know—Chick-fil-A says you make the baby Jesus cry.”
What would you rather hear Chick-fil-A President Dan Cathy talk about: Gay marriage, or the results of his latest prostate exam? Leave alternate topics for discussion in COMMENTS.
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