Taste One for the Team is TakePart's periodic foray into the world of fast-food stunt meals and gimmick nutrition. We taste these crimes against food so you, our innocent readers, won't have to. This week, we pull the pork with Quiznos.
Before you read on, we must start with this: the man who made our Southern BBQ Pulled Pork sandwich at Quiznos was very, very nice—doting, generous with the pickles, and friendly as a person can be when he's the only man on staff with a lunch line of ten.
Still, his labor of love left a lot to be desired. Behold the conversation that took part at TakePart Headquarters as the steamy sandwich was placed on the cutting board and sliced into samples.
Allan: It doesn't smell as bad as I thought it would.
Tanya: It doesn't smell? I can smell it from here.
Daniel: It tastes like the color brown. If brown had a taste....brown and foot.
Allan: It's a lot of pickle.
Jenny: You know how you feel right after you vomit, when you have a bad aftertaste in your mouth?
Daniel: Stomach acid.
Jenny: Yeah, it has that taste.
Daniel: It probably has a stomach acid basting sauce, like it's marinated in acid.
Jenny: It has a smokey vomit taste.
Allan: It's the texture, too. It's like a wad of...what? A wad of what?
Jenny: I'm gonna vomit.
Allan: Is this food? Is this food I'm eating?
Megan: Anyone have anything good to say about it?
Daniel: Thank you. That was putrid.
Allan: I think if I had three martinis I could wash the taste out of my mouth.
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