Forget Xanax and $295-per-hour anger management therapy.
A new study suggests that the remedy for male rage is far more primitive—meat may be the best medicine.
Testing conducted by psychology researchers at McGill University in Montreal, Canada, indicate that the mere sight of meat can repress the savage and beastly instincts of men.
The study’s findings demonstrate a genetic disposition to experience comfort at the sight of meat, perhaps due to its association with family gatherings, the study's authors said to The Montreal Gazette.
This vision of meat-induced equanimity got us thinking—what’s an angry vegetarian dude to do? If he doesn’t eat meat, he can’t be expected to have it on hand for a quick look-see when tempers flare.
Lucky for him, TakePart took a quick day trip into the futures of five famous vegetarian bros. We foresaw some hot-tempered situations on their horizons. No worries, though: We've compiled a list of meat tranquilizers each celebrity should keep at the ready to tame his future outbursts.
VEGETARIAN: Corey Feldman, meat-free since the 1980s
ANGRY OUTBURST: In 2014, during a table read for Goonies II: The Fratellis Strike Back, Feldman gets into a shouting match with director Wes Anderson over the scant number of lines written for his character, Clark "Mouth" Devereaux.
MEAT PANACEA: For this Lost Boy, who was raised Jewish, we suggest a staring contest with a plate of brisket.
VEGETARIAN: Bill Clinton, vegan since early 2010
ANGRY OUTBURST: In the summer of 2015, at a Hollywood fundraiser for Hillary Clinton’s presidential run, Zach Galifianakis confronts her hubby, former president Bill Clinton. It’s the first time the two men have crossed paths since Hangover II bombed at the box office in 2011. Galifianakis's career tanked after that, a stunning fall from grace he blames on Slick Willy's much-hyped, but ultimately dreadful cameo performance. Clinton's infamous temper rears its ugly head. Pauly Shore and two Secret Service agents break up the fisticuffs.
MEAT PANACEA: For Arkansasian Clinton, we suggest a few moments alone with a pulled-pork sandwich.
VEGETARIAN: Tony La Russa, meatless since 1978
ANGRY OUTBURST: During the 8th inning of Game 3 of the 2011 World Series, La Russa, the manager of the St. Louis Cardinals, blows a gasket after Albert Pujols is called out at the plate even though Busch Stadium replays clearly show the slugger was safe. La Russa charges the field, raining cusswords and spittle at the umpire. He's ejected, but doesn't leave the field until after he uproots first base and drop-kicks it into the third row.
MEAT PANACEA: For the Cardinal skipper, we suggest either bratwurst or a jumbo hot dog, both of which are sold at the stadium concessions.
VEGETARIAN: Bob Barker, meat-free since 1979
ANGRY OUTBURST: One afternoon in 2012, during the early bird special at Denny's, the former Price Is Right host gets into an argument with an alleged fan over the last roll at the salad bar. Barker: "That's my roll, hon'." Fan: "The Price is Right couldn't hold Hollywood Squares' jock strap." Barker: "Why don't you just calm down, sweetheart." Fan: "The only segment more pathetic than Plinko was the Showcase Showdown!" One thing leads to another, and the fan is bodyslammed into the soft-serve ice cream machine.
MEAT PANACEA: For Barker, who spent his formative years on a Sioux Indian reservation in South Dakota, we suggest a little buffalo jerky ogling.
VEGETARIAN: Joaquin Phoenix, vegan since 1977
ANGRY OUTBURST: On February 27, 2011, Phoenix goes ballistic inside his Plaza suite after his mockumentary I'm Still Here is nominated in the "Best Documentary Feature" category for the Academy Awards. Phoenix, who claimed his turn as a rapping, bearded introvert was a staged performance, thought he should be eligible for an acting award.
MEAT PANACEA: For Phoenix, who was born in San Juan, Puerto Rico, we suggest a deep, piercing gaze at chuletas frita (fried pork chops).
Feature photo: FotoosVanRobin/Creative Commons via Flickr