Nein!: Grinch German Church Group Outlaws Santa

Following the lead of Wilt Chamberlain, Adam vacated his native Philadelphia for Los Angeles following decades of acclaim and short shorts. He firmly believes that, when it comes to the opportunity for change, we’re on the goal line with bases loaded and no fouls to give. He also finds inspiration in mixed sports metaphors.

Fearing the holiday's been snow-jobbed by marketing ploys and must-have gifts, a German Catholic group is starting up Santa-free zones to retake Christmas. 

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Believe it or not, some Germans feel that the portrayal of old St. Nick has become too whimsical. (Photo: Yuri Gripas)

In the fat man’s place, the church group plans to resurrect the neglected spirit of St. Nicholas.

St. Nicholas of Myra, known to the chaps as "St. Nick," was a third century Greek bishop who, among a few miracles, had a generous habit of sneaking gifts to kids. 

Over the course of Western culture, stories of the slick-gifting St. Nick gave way to the mall-loitering Santa, whose sleigh now has more ads than a NASCAR jacket.

The Bonifatiuswerk, a Catholic aid organization, deems the ruddy-cheeked Santa “an invention of the advertising industry designed to boost sales” and “a representative of consumer society."

“Unlike Santa Claus, Nicholas wants to give children inner riches and not just encourage them to strive for material wealth.”

It remains to be seen whether or not St. Nick will guilt shoppers into resisting the unfettered marketing bonanza of Christmas; however, the Germans earn points for trying to stop the annual iPhad shopping riot.

Kids waking up to boxes of "inner riches" on Christmas morning were unavailable for comment.

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